Overcoming Labels: Learning to Dream Again
The old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me,” never rang true to me. For me, it was always the words that hurt the most. I can remember times in my life when I felt like I had been destroyed by someone else’s careless words.
It amazes me the power that words have over us. Why do we assign so much power to an accumulation of vowel and consonant sounds? We feel their power, but it was God who assigned them this power in the first place. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The power of life and death are in the tongue.” That’s pretty serious when you think about it. Words have the power to create, or build up, which produces life. Or they have the power to destroy, or tear down, which creates death.
If we look at Genesis we see that our world was created with words. Genesis one is filled with, “And God said.” He said, and it was. He used his words to create all of this beauty around us. That is amazing to me. We, as Christians, have a responsibility to do the same thing. We have the responsibility to build others up with our words.
I haven’t always done this. I have spoken careless words that brought pain, and I have also been on the receiving end of destructive words. For me, the most powerfully destructive words eventually became labels that I would wear for a long time.
Some of these labels, for me, were; fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, untalented, worthless, and the most damaging…not good enough. For some reason, those three little words, “not good enough,” wreaked havoc on my heart worse than their counterparts. I can’t specifically tell you one instance that made me think that I wasn’t good enough, and quite possibly those words came from my own mouth, but I can’t remember a time when I didn’t struggle with those words. Perhaps it was the accumulation of the other labels that led me to conclude that I wasn’t good enough, but either way, those words were always a part of my thinking. To be honest, I still struggle with them. But it has gotten easier to recognize them as a lie – which is half the battle.
Once a lie is exposed, the power it holds is diminished. I think this is why Satan loves to use lies against us. He knows that if he can get us to believe a lie, than the truth of who God made us to be remains hidden.
For years, I let those words, “not good enough,” control what I did and how I thought, thus letting a lie run my life. I wouldn’t be as outgoing as I wanted to be in social situations because I was afraid others didn’t want to be friends with me because I wasn’t good enough or didn’t have anything of value to add to their lives. This led to rejection and rejection led to self-destructive behaviors and doing things to fit in because I didn’t feel anyone would accept me based solely on who I was. Smoking, drinking, sex, these are just some of the things I did because I believed the lie – nothing was off limits for me.
Believing the lie also led to what I consider the greater tragedy; it killed my dreams. From the time I was 4, I can remember using anything high and flat for a stage. Tables, porches, decks, they were all fair game. There is even a photograph of me as a child wearing my beautiful Sunday best dress, standing on a table. I can only assume I was trying to entertain someone. I loved to see people smile as a result of my cuteness. These were the early stages of the dream. I just wanted to entertain.
But, it seemed like the lie slipped in, almost as if on cue, right after the dream began. I had an older, “more talented” sister. I had an older, “smarter” sister. I had a younger, “thinner” sister. And then there were the two brothers who never did anything wrong – even when caught red handed. I’m sure my siblings would all have a similar story, although they would describe me as the favored one. But, I never heard these words of favor. For some reason the sound of someone else being better than me always rang louder.
Slowly but surely, I came to the conclusion that I was fat, ugly, and not talented enough to accomplish my dreams. I began to believe that nobody wanted to hear what I had to say. Nobody wanted to hear me sing, watch me dance, or see any of the little plays I’d put on. So, I stopped doing those things. It was a gradual process. Sometimes I’d muster the courage to be creative, only to feel rejected again. Then years would go by and I’d do it again, with the same result.
I didn’t realize what was happening at the time, but looking back now, I can see that my dreams were being hijacked by a lie. The dreams that God put inside of me were gradually being pushed out by the label. It would be years before I realized this.
When I was 27, I signed up for a class at my church called, In Search of Purpose, En Route to Destiny, but for short we called it Destiny. This class is designed to be an intense 14 week “appointment with God” (catchy, isn’t it?) in which you gain tools to foster intimacy with The Lord, and in doing so quiet yourself long enough to hear what He says about you. There’s more to it than that, but that’s the condensed version.
During one of the homework assignments in that class, we wrote down our dreams and visions we had as children. Seeing my childhood dreams on paper was sobering. I had let them all go. I believed that I wasn’t good enough to achieve them.
The home works continued to be eye opening and the other spiritual disciplines that the class employed proved to be helpful in stirring up my dreams and teaching me to hear God’s voice. It wasn’t very long before I began to think more about what God thought about me and less about what labels I was wearing.
The tools I was using; fasting, praying, meditating on His word, and praise and worship, all led to a greater understanding of His thoughts toward me, and I was surprised to learn that I wasn’t a disappointment. He showed me that how He created me was beautiful. As a matter of fact, His word says that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” I began to believe these things, and something wonderful began to stir on the inside of me. I began to dream again.
It also became easier to distinguish the voice of Truth (God’s voice) from the lie. Jesus says in John 10:4-5 that His sheep know His voice and because they do, they aren’t easily persuaded by another (paraphrased). The more I became familiar with His voice, the easier it became to believe that I was capable of accomplishing what He put inside of me - not because I was awesome, but because He is. I began to step out and do more things that were out of my comfort zone, and I began to see growth.
I’d love to say that after the class everything was a cakewalk and that I never struggled with feeling not good enough after that, but as we all know, growth is often painful. Just as a child experiences growing pains, we too experience growing pains as believers. And while there are pains, we can still trust His word and trust that He’s working things together for our good – just like Romans 8:28 says. We also know that He promises that He has good plans for us, hopeful plans – Jeremiah 29:11.
Recently, as I’ve taken steps toward pursuing one of my dreams, I’ve felt those lies start to creep up ferociously. But, because I know the voice of my Father, I can see them for what they are. I know they are not true and refuse to let them derail my dreams again.
I know that God desires to birth an amazing dream through each one of us. We all have a specific purpose here on Earth and it would be a shame not to fulfill it. I encourage you, if there is a dream that you’ve let die, allow God to resurrect it. Give Him full permission to work in that area. You will not be disappointed.
Right now He has done, and is doing, a good work in each of you reading this, and I know He will bring it to completion. I know this because He’s doing it for me, and if He’ll do it for me then He’ll do it for you. He is good like that.
