The title of this blog may be a little misleading. You see, I don’t and I’m not sure I ever will, understand the Presence of God. The complexity of the way it comes but the simplicity of how we can access it is a paradox that my finite mind doesn’t fully comprehend. Let me begin with a revelation I had today…
Today I gathered with several women, and one lone man (whose bravery to come boldly into this gathering of estrogen I found to be admirable), in a catholic church off of Fulton and 48th St. To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect. I knew that over half of the women were going to be “charismatic” Catholics, but wasn’t sure exactly what that meant.
When I arrived (ten minutes late), the leader had begun a lesson on prophesy. When I sank into a chair next to Mary Ann (whom I work with and also the woman who invited me to this gathering), I instantly felt at ease. This was familiar territory – teaching on God’s presence and prophesy. I had a choice in that moment – be comfortable and take this for granted, or lean in to the Holy Spirit and listen. I chose to lean.
It always begins with a choice, doesn’t it? When I made that choice to lean in, I immediately felt waves of God’s love, mercy, compassion, peace, joy, and so much more that earthly words can not describe. If I had to sum it up in one English vocabulary word, I would have to say it was….overwhelming.
I looked up some definitions of the words overwhelm and overwhelming to kind of drive this point home.
Overwhelm
• To cover over completely, submerge
• To overpower in thought or feeling
Overwhelming
• So strong as to be irresistible
• Very intense
If I were to describe how I felt this morning, “To cover over completely” and “So strong as to be irresistible,” would be the definitions I would choose, but again, even those seem watered down. It was so much more.
It isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way in His presence, and I’m confident it won’t be the last, but this morning marked one of the few times that I didn’t try to figure it all out. Sometimes I’m so busy asking Him questions that I don’t allow myself to simply be in His presence. I believe that because of how I’m wired for ministry that my first response when I feel something like that is, “Who is this for, Lord?” Today it was just for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe He honors our pursuit of His heart and our pursuit of knowing His heart for others (1 Corinthians 2:16), but today He simply wanted me to be still and let Him overwhelm me. So today, when I felt His joy, peace, love etc…I just allowed myself to feel it. I embraced all of Him. It was beautiful. It brings me back to my original thought – understanding His presence. It’s such a paradox. It is so complex, yet so simple to access. Just lean in and see what happens.
